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Yuccies. Until last week, I had never heard the term. I didn't know how to say it, I still don’t. I Googled it and then skimmed some lame Buzzfeed and Mashable articles about it and then I cursed a lot and I tried, once again, to put a hex on Buzzfeed and Mashable with my mind. I don’t honestly know if it worked or not, because I am not privy to their analytics information, but guys, I think if we all band together, we can bring these people down.

So anyway, this all goes to show that I now hate the term “Yuccies”.

I almost hate to perpetuate it by explaining it, but here’s how the clickbait purveyors want you to define “yuccie”. Yuccie is created term to describe Young Urban Creatives. According to Mashable writer David Infante, who apparently coined the term, a yuccie combines “the yuppie’s new money thirst for yachts and recognition with the hipster’s anti-ambition, and smoke-laced individualism”. Did the man seriously just say “thirst for yachts”? I kind of want to set him on fire.

I’m going to level with you. If there was such a thing as a yuccie in Des Moines, and I’m not convinced yuccies exist anywhere at all (particularly in a market of this size), it would be me. I would be your Des Moines yuccie. Now let me explain to you why, along with Santa Claus, Sasquatch, and the chupacabra, there is no such thing as a yuccie.

It seems like the principle argument for the existence of yuccies is the coming of age of the entitled, educated millennial. True, this is happening, but, David, entitlement is not new or trendy. Creativity is not new or trendy. Using Instagram, arguing the merits of artisanal goods and hoping to make money without a full-time job were all just as popular three years ago. The only difference is you called those who engaged in these glowing pursuits “hipsters” and “Gen Y”. Now, like any good SMD (that’s Social Media Douchebag, if you’re nasty), you’re rebranding. Why? To start a few arguments, stir up the most ridiculous class war in recorded history (basically hipsters versus themselves) and get yourself some clicks.

Infante argues that yuccies would have at one time been called hipsters, but “hipster” is now generic. Says Infante: “... These days, the hipster — the real hipster, not the bullshit marketing facsimile that still dominates advertising today — is dead. He’s traded warehouse parties for yoga retreats; she’s become a tool of corporate marketing shilling compact cars and fast food.”

So, what Infante basically is trying to do is prove that one meaningless term is dead, and replace it with his own brand-new meaningless term, hoping that one day, yuccie will replace the hipster as the new, hip bullshit marketing facsimile. But guess what? It’s all the same. The yuccie of tomorrow is the hipster of today, and was once the yuppie of the past. It’s all marketing. Now let’s all forget we ever read this and go to brunch.

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