From the archives: Here are your best (and worst) Beggars' Night jokes
Here are five simple ways to keep your children safe while they're out trick or treating this Halloween. Visit DesMoinesRegister.com for more safety tips.
Jokes — for better or for worse — are a part of the Beggars' Night tradition in central Iowa.
The past couple of years we asked readers to let us know their favorites. This is what they had to say.
Your Beggars' Night joke submissions:
- How do you make a Kleenex dance? Put a little boogie in it!
- Why did the man put the car in the oven. He wanted a hot rod.
- Why did the man put his car in the oven? The cake was in the garage.
- Why did the man throw the jar of pickles out the window? Botulism.
- Why don't lobsters share? Because they're shellfish.
- What is the difference between humor and odor? One is a shift of wit.
- Why did they put the car in the oven? Because they had a casserole in the garage.
- Is the capital of Kentucky pronounced Louieville or LOOville? Neither. It's Frankfort.
- Why was Cinderella so bad at football? Because her coach was a pumpkin!
- How does a cucumber become a pickle? It goes through a jarring experience.
- Why don't cows have feet? Because they lactose.
- Why did the witch travel on a broom? She couldn't afford a vacuum.
- What do you call a hurt banana? A nana-nana-boo-boo!
- Did you hear about the new restaurant on the moon? Great food, just no atmosphere.
- What did the banana say to his girlfriend? I find you a-peeling!
- What does a ghost with no lips say? "Oo."
- How does a chicken mail a letter? In a HENvelope.
- How many tickles should an octopus get? TENtacles.
- Why can't you hear a pterodactyl go to the bathroom? Because the "p" is silent
- What's E.T. short for? He's got little legs.
- What did Count Dracula suggest to Dr. Frankenstein as a source of electrical power? A bat-tree (bat-tery).
- Why don't ghosts drink good coffee? They just don't CAREibou.
- Zombies don't gamble because they don't have a ghost of a chance.
- What is Smokey the Bear's middle name? "The."
- What is the recipe for frankfurters with cheese through the middle? "Hollow weinies."
- What do you call a local weather forecasting spider who stands by his forecast? Local on the 8s.
- Why don't the lumber companies support colonizing Mars? No need. There are already no forests there.
Beggars' Night schedule: Times, dates for metro Des Moines
Des Moines' 'Beggars' Night', the night before Halloween, is when children ring doorbells, say "Trick or Treat", then tell a riddle or joke for candy. Des Moines Register
- Who's the most frightening monster ever? The Tax Audit Man.
- What did the bartender say when Sinatra fell into a beer mug? Look! Frank-in-stein!
- What do you call a seagull that flies over the bay? A bagel! (bay-gull)
- What do you call it when your TV goes black and white and gold, black and white and gold, black and white and gold? InterFerentz!
- Why did the professor throw the alarm clock out the window? Because he wanted to see time fly!
- What do you do when 50 zombies surround your house? Hope it's Halloween!
- What do you call a golfer's cinnamon bun? A roll in one!
- Why do teenage girls hang out in odd numbers? "Like ... not even"
- Why didn’t the skeleton cross the street? It didn’t have the guts to.
- How do you catch a bra? A booby trap. (Heard on "The Floppy Show")
- What did the beaver say when he saw water? Dammit!
- What would you ask a pregnant, cheese-making deer? When is your fawn due?
So even if your little goblins and ghouls don't have any jokes of your own, they don't have to go out empty-handed.
More on Beggars' Night:
- Why Des Moines has Beggars' Night
- Tips to celebrate Halloween safely during the COVID-19 pandemic
- 10 ways to make Halloween fun this year for kids at home
Get to know the origin of Des Moines' pre-Halloween tradition called "Beggars' Night."